Do you ever feel emotionally exhausted after spending time with someone? That's where I find myself today. I've had a few draining encounters with another human over the last week and I am WIPED OUT! My gut had been warning me that something was off even before I witnessed his erratic behavior. His words and behavior bounced back and forth... telling me how sweet I was one moment and how mean I was the next. His behavior was just as erratic. I couldn't keep up with the changes and often found myself saying "wtf just happened...?"
Being around this person and his inconsistent behavior made me feel frustrated, confused, and emotionally unsafe. I did my best to set boundaries, stand up for myself and call out behavior as it occurred, until the night it escalated way beyond my comfort level and I ended it. Thankfully this wasn't a long term or important relationship, so in this case, ending it was easy.
Caring for our wellbeing involves paying attention to how we feel when we're with people. Do we feel invigorated and fulfilled? Or drained and exhausted? Is it safe to be our authentic self and can we openly speak our truth? Or do we have to hide who we are and our truth?
This isn't the first time I've had to end a toxic relationship/friendship and I'm sure it won't be the last. Taking stock of our relationships is a critical component of self-love. Loving our self means choosing to spend time with people who fulfill us and releasing the relationships that drain us.
I chose to love myself when:
-I listened to my gut
-I called out his behavior and hurtful comments
-I noticed how I felt when with him
-I put boundaries in place
-I chose myself and my wellbeing and ended the relationship.
As we are doing the work of loving others, we must not neglect the work of loving ourselves. Self-love isn't selfish.