 When you choose goals for yourself, do you look deeper than the expected outcome or desired results? Where does your motivation really come from? What helps you to keep going when things get challenging, or when you don't see change right away?
Let's take physical health as an example. I used to set my goals based on a desired weight I wanted to reach. But I learned that this was a horrible motivator. Because when I didn't see the scale move as quickly as I hoped (or at all!) I would easily become discouraged and give up. My mentality was - 'why bother'....?! But when I shifted my perspective to focusing on my health - everything changed. Now I choose to stay active for my health and vitality - so I can be healthy and active for my daughter, and be a positive role model for her. I exercise so I have the energy I need to move through my days, and FEEL GOOD while I do it. When I happen to lose weight in the process, that's great - it's a nice benefit to doing the work. But it's not THE reason I exercise. Focusing on my deeper needs and motivations supports me to keep going, even when I don't lose weight. This applies anytime we're setting an important goal. Looking deeper than the expected outcome will help us stay on track and make choices that align with what we want. It will give us the motivation we need to keep going, even when we don't see changes or expected outcomes as quickly as we'd hoped. What motivates YOU to make choices that align with your most important goals and priorities? Which of your goals could benefit from a refresh in terms of your driving motivations? What is it that REALLY keeps you going and moving toward what you want? What are your deepest WHYs? If you are unclear on any of this, spend some time in reflection. And if you need support in finding this level of clarity, reach out and let's schedule a discovery session to see how I can help.
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 "To believe that we can and must hide the parts of us that are broken, out of fear that others are incapable of loving the parts of us that we cannot love ourselves, is to believe that sunshine is incapable of entering a broken window and warming an empty room." Sandra Kring.
I've had to do a LOT of work on this ... learning to love my whole self - even those broken parts. Much of this work I did on my own - because in general I am a fairly private person. But in the moments where I couldn't hold this space for myself I requested the support of other people. Loving, compassionate others who helped me see that all parts of me, even those deepest darkest parts that I prefer to hide because I believed them to be unlovable, are all part of what make me ... me. My old story read something like this: I'm unlovable. I'm not deserving of true love or joy. No one will ever love me as deeply as I love others. Learning to really, truly love myself has been one of the biggest lessons I've had to learn in this life. That healing process has been challenging, to say the least. My unlovability stories impacted every area of my life, including how I was showing up in my personal relationships AND how I was showing up in my business. Every time I thought I was "done" healing it, something else would happen that invited me to go deeper to heal another layer. Even though this healing work was challenging, it was worth it. I learned to receive Divine love, grace and forgiveness. I learned to extend grace and forgiveness to myself. I learned that I wasn't in fact a "bad" person - I was being overly-critical of myself and some of my choices. I rewrote those old stories about my worth and lovability. I saw all the ways I wasn't loving myself through daily actions and choices and have been making the necessary adjustments. Now that I've done the work to release all of this outdated and very heavy emotional baggage, I have been rediscovering who I really am beneath it all. I feel more confident. I am showing up more fully for myself. I am taking big leaps in my business. I am open to RECEIVING love, too... and that's a big one because I used to block and sabotage it in every way possible. I've come to realize that even with all of those parts of myself that I viewed as bad, that I'd rather keep hidden - I am still worthy of being loved. I'm fully accepting myself - exactly as I am - flaws, mistakes, failures and all. I am choosing radical self love. I am elevating my own needs and priorities. I am standing up for myself. I am setting boundaries. I'm stepping more fully into my life. I'm choosing to let the Light, the Warmth, and the Love in. I am finally choosing me.  How do you react when you mess up? In the past, even simple mistakes would have consumed my thoughts for a whole day or more. I would have berated myself repeatedly, saying things like, “I can’t believe you did that!” “What will people think?” “You’re so careless!” Or worse... something along the lines of... "You're such an idiot!"
We’re all human and as much as some of us would like to be, we’re not perfect. We’re going to make mistakes. We’re going to do or say things we’ll regret later. We’ll get too busy and forget things. We’ll react too strongly to things other people say or do. We'll lash out at someone we love. As much as we strive to be 'perfect' and 'in control' at all times, neither is an achievable goal. We expect so much of ourselves. And when we fall short of these unrealistic expectations, we turn on ourselves, hurling self-criticism and self-judgment. What about you? For what reasons do you typically judge and criticize yourself? Your appearance? Your career choices? Your relationship or parenting choices? Your flaws, mistakes and failures? What if we let go of the unrealistic expectations of perfection we place on ourselves and accept our shortcomings, mistakes, and failures? What if we extended ourselves grace and compassion instead? Easier said than done, sometimes, isn't it? Many of us excel at extending kindness and compassion to other people, but we don’t offer that same gift to ourselves. But what if we did? What might that feel like? If you could benefit from techniques to help you make these kinds of shifts, let’s get a discovery session on the calendar to see how I can help.  To live fully, to live a life without regret, requires us to summon our courage, take a risk, and take action even when we would rather hide in the safety of our comfort zone. Most of us want to change in some way or change something about our life. But resistance and fear camp out, waiting for the right moment to sabotage our efforts.
“Every day, you are signaled and summoned to embark on a journey beyond the boundaries of all you have ever known. You need only [stretch beyond] your fears, open your heart and begin.” Bob Savino Through my own deep inner work these past few years, I’ve come to identify the beliefs, patterns, and reactions that hold me back from growing into my full potential. I’ve been playing it safe, hiding out and staying small. To move through our fears, we need to re-evaluate our beliefs about what we are or are not capable of and what is or is not possible for us to accomplish. We need to practice showing up fully for and in our own life. Fear gets a bad wrap, but it does have an important role. It signals when we’re onto something important and it keeps us out of harm's way. So our goal should *not* be to become fearless. Our goal should be to acknowledge our fears and choose to take action anyway, stretching beyond our comfort zone. To do that we need to tolerate the unknown, welcome uncertainty, and be willing to fail. We need to know what is so important that we would do it anyway, even if we fail. *In what ways are you choosing comfort in your life? *In what ways are you choosing courage? *In which area of your life would it be most helpful to choose courage over comfort? *What fears are holding you back from your full potential? A Practice to Try: Do at least one thing that scares you. Mantra: I choose courage.  “When you’re less reactive, you become a light in the world, contributing to less suffering and more happiness for yourself and others.” Richard Shankman
Being present is very simple, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. We have things to do, places to go, and distractions that divert our attention. On top of this, our mind races, fretting over things we’ve said, worrying how we’re going to get everything done, and criticizing ourselves for what we've done 'wrong.' Presence isn't necessarily something we 'accomplish' - it's more of a way of being. When you are present, you are fully in this moment – you’re not stuck in yesterday’s events or worried about tomorrow. You’re just aware of what’s happening around and within you, right now. You’re bringing your full attention to what you’re doing or who you are with. When you’re fully present, you can see more clearly and experience life more fully. How do you define presence? What impacts your ability to be fully present with yourself or others? How could being more present make a positive difference in your life? A Practice to Try Put everything away and sit comfortably with your eyes closed. Notice yourself sitting, just as you are.
Turn your attention to your breath for a few moments. As you have thoughts, acknowledge them and allow them to float away, naturally. Then try this exercise in mindful breathing:
Notice how you’re feeling now? What has shifted for you? You can practice this simple breathing technique anytime you need to return to your center and bring your presence into this moment. Mantra/Affirmation Today I will be fully present to whatever happens.  "I'm so overwhelmed..." Over a period of two months, I heard myself utter this phrase *multiple* times. I always added a meek, "...in a good way though..." afterwards. One day I noticed that I spoke this out loud to two different people within hours of each other. In that moment, I realized it had become an issue and needed my attention. I do not aspire to live in overwhelm. I knew I needed to quickly change this story before it became a permanent pattern.
I grabbed my journal and wrote down everything that was contributing to the feelings of overwhelm. When that list felt complete, I asked: How can I simplify and ease the feelings of overwhelm? I wrote down the first thoughts that came to mind in my journal. I asked again and wrote additional ideas on a mind map. Then I connected with my heart and asked for its guidance, too, making a heart map. Feeling like I had gotten everything on to the page brought an initial wave of relief. First of all, I could clearly see everything I was working with. And I could see potential solutions and a path forward. Some of the big themes I noticed:
I welcomed ease and flow back into my life. I focused, I acted with more purpose and intention, and I shifted to making more high-energy choices in each moment. Making these few adjustments made a HUGE difference, not only in my energy level, but also how often I experienced feelings of overwhelm. Do you struggle with overwhelm, too? How do you react and what do you do when you find yourself here? If you need some support identifying and addressing the sources of stress and overwhelm in YOUR life, let's get scheduled for a discovery call to see how I can help.  At various points in our life, especially during major life transitions, we may feel called to examine our priorities, reflect on how satisfied we are with our life, and consider if we are living the way we want to be living. During these times of self-reflection, we are invited to explore the question 'What REALLY matters to me at this point in my life?’ We may bring more attention to our self-healing and personal growth needs.
We contemplate questions like: “How can I best nurture myself so I can give generously to others?” “What is getting in the way of becoming the best version of myself?” “How am I being called to serve?" This exploration creates meaningful attunement and a strong internal motivation that enables us to focus our energy on the most important actions and we let go of the rest. We allow our heart to guide us through our experiences and relationships. When we lead from the heart, it’s easier to balance self-focused and other-focused energy. We find harmony between pursuing our own dreams and goals, fulfilling our own needs, and expressing our individuality, AND doing our part to meet the needs of others and contributing to our community and the greater good. We understand that it’s not an either/or – we don’t choose between taking care of our self and taking care of others. We know that both are important. We take care of ourselves, AND we serve others with compassion and love. When we are choosing in alignment with our heart, we feel more grounded, centered, fulfilled and satisfied. We feel passion and enthusiasm. When we are out of alignment with our heart, however, we may feel frustrated, unproductive, or depleted. We may procrastinate or avoid working on our goals. Or perhaps we react to others in ways that cause us to feel embarrassment, guilt, or shame. Our opportunity is to engage in an ongoing process of self-observation and self-inquiry, paying attention to our behavior and noticing when our choices are not aligned to our heart. Through self-observation, we notice our reactions, we learn from our experiences, and we get out of our own way so transformation can happen. If you could benefit from support in reconnecting with your heart, releasing what doesn't align, and restoring your energy for the most important things, let's schedule a discovery session to see how I can help.  Do you ask for what you need from the Universe? Are you open to receiving it when it comes? I was just sorting through a stack of papers on my desk this morning and found this sticky note I wrote a couple months back. At that point, I had realized I was ready for my next mentor to help me get going on my business initiatives - but I wasn't *exactly* sure what kind of help I needed or who the right person would be to help me get there.
So I wrote on the sticky note: I'm open to meeting my next mentor/teacher. Help me see him/her when she/he appears and say yes to receiving the help. Within a month of writing that sticky note, I had a virtual coffee date with a woman I met through a random Facebook group. As I learned more about her background and how she helps people, I knew I needed to meet with her again - this time as a potential client of her business. It became very clear during our discovery session that I needed what she was offering and that she came into my life to be my next mentor. I am GREAT at what I do. But working *on* my business - the more business-y side of things - is not my strong suit. When December comes, I do not want to find myself stuck in the exact same place. I know where I'm headed, but I couldn't clearly see the path forward. I need to make big leaps this year, and I knew I needed support. So I trusted my intuition and energy - and said yes to working with her. But more importantly, I said YES to myself and YES to my business. These kinds of 'expenses' are not really expenses. They are INVESTMENTS. In choosing to work with her, I am investing in myself, my business, my dreams, my mission, my calling, my gifts, and my future. It can be so hard to justify spending money on ourselves and our dreams. I see this frequently with women. We hesitate. We consider everything else we 'should' be spending the money on instead. We feel guilty about spending money on something like our personal growth, our self-care, or our dreams. I invite you to pause for a moment and consider: What is your biggest challenge right now? Which of your needs are not currently being met? Which desires or dreams have been put on the back burner? How are these challenges and unmet needs impacting your life? Is it draining your energy? Impacting your health or your happiness? Limiting your ability to spend more time and energy in more enjoyable ways? One year from now, do you want your life to look and feel the same as it does now? If not, what kind of support do you need to help you make the necessary changes and take the big leaps? My expertise lies in the realms of personal/spiritual growth; self-care and self-love; and emotional, spiritual and relational wellbeing. I am a self-healing catalyst, a spiritual guide and a restorative facilitator. I am here to help you RECONNECT with your heart, RELEASE that which is draining you, and RESTORE your energy so you can be an even better mom, friend, and partner. If you need support in these areas, let's schedule a discovery session to see if we'd be a good fit.  If you're anything like me, you probably feel like you need to hold yourself together - ALL. THE. TIME. It may be hard to ask for help. It may be hard to receive support from others. It may be hard to let go. It may be hard to stop *doing* all the time and just rest. Making time for relaxation and renewal is critical for our whole-self wellbeing. Living in chronic stress is unhealthy and impacts our mental and emotional state, and takes a toll on our body.
I have come to love the practice of Restorative. Since there's no 'doing' in Restorative, it was very challenging to begin this new practice at first. I felt like I was wasting time, just lying around 'doing nothing.' But I quickly learned that this practice held many benefits for me. Restorative forces me to slow down and rest. The various props help create a supportive environment for complete relaxation of the parts of my body that are used to holding themselves up. In allowing these areas to soften, I can completely relax. Full relaxation creates space, expansiveness and openness that allows the physical, mental and emotional tension to melt away and invites a sense of ease and calm. Creating an expansive space also allows trapped emotions to rise, so they can be processed and released. I see that I don't have to hold myself together ALL the time - that it's okay to let go. When was the last time you allowed yourself to completely and deeply rest... with no movement, no effort, and not worrying about your to-do list? If it's been awhile, reach out and let's explore how I can support your relaxation and wellbeing needs through Restorative and other practices.  Having a home we love is a form of sacred self care. We may not love *everything* about our physical home.... but we can still create spaces we love by focusing on what brings us joy and meets our needs. Creating a personal haven that offers comfort and nourishment supports us in relaxing and recharging.
This room is my sacred space, my exercise room, and my work space. This room isn't perfect... it's the coldest room in my apartment and the one where I hear the most noise from the neighborhood and nearby streets. Even though it's not perfect, it is still my favorite room. I've set it up in such a way that even with the chilly temp and outside noise, I can find complete presence and comfort here. I made this imperfect room work perfectly for me and my needs. I need to feel calm, present, and nourished while practicing my spiritual, self care, and self development rituals. AND I need to feel inspired and energized when working out and when doing my work. So I meet all those needs in a way that works for me. I bring nature indoors and have plants along all four walls. I hung twinkle lights and use several desk lamps for soft and gentle lighting. I have a small speaker in here to play music and drown the noise when needed. I have several blankets scattered around the room for warmth. Decor is mostly the plants, but I do display a few other things that have personal and spiritual significance. No matter which purpose my room is fulfilling at any moment, it is arranged in a way to support me. There isn't a right or wrong way to create the spaces we need in our home. What matters is what will work for us. If you could use some guidance and inspiration for your home spaces, reach out and let's schedule a 1-1 to see how I can help. |
Self-Care, Wellbeing, Embodied Self-Love
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