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It used to feel like joy was always just beyond my reach. In those moments that I did get a taste of happiness, it wasn't long before I'd fall back into familiar feelings of stress, chaos, and overwhelm.
I looked at those who appeared to be naturally positive with envy, wondering why I couldn't have some of that. I blamed others for my joy deprivation, focusing on how other people's choices impacted me. But I've learned that other people's behavior isn't about me and no matter how others treat me, I am the only one with the power to choose how I am going to respond to what shows up in front of me. I've learned not to take other people's behavior personally and to focus instead on what's going on within myself that causes my reactions. Sometimes people touch our old wounds, deeply hidden fears, or stories we believe to be true about our self. And when this happens, we may have a very strong reaction without even realizing why. So when I feel a strong reaction rising, I slow down and reflect on why those feelings are emerging.. I seek to understand why I'm feeling so triggered. This gives me both the time and the wisdom to choose a more thoughtful and productive response. If you would find value in learning simple techniques to explore your own emotional reactions, reach out and let's schedule a discovery session to see how I could help.
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 When you choose goals for yourself, do you look deeper than the expected outcome or desired results? Where does your motivation really come from? What helps you to keep going when things get challenging, or when you don't see change right away?
Let's take physical health as an example. I used to set my goals based on a desired weight I wanted to reach. But I learned that this was a horrible motivator. Because when I didn't see the scale move as quickly as I hoped (or at all!) I would easily become discouraged and give up. My mentality was - 'why bother'....?! But when I shifted my perspective to focusing on my health - everything changed. Now I choose to stay active for my health and vitality - so I can be healthy and active for my daughter, and be a positive role model for her. I exercise so I have the energy I need to move through my days, and FEEL GOOD while I do it. When I happen to lose weight in the process, that's great - it's a nice benefit to doing the work. But it's not THE reason I exercise. Focusing on my deeper needs and motivations supports me to keep going, even when I don't lose weight. This applies anytime we're setting an important goal. Looking deeper than the expected outcome will help us stay on track and make choices that align with what we want. It will give us the motivation we need to keep going, even when we don't see changes or expected outcomes as quickly as we'd hoped. What motivates YOU to make choices that align with your most important goals and priorities? Which of your goals could benefit from a refresh in terms of your driving motivations? What is it that REALLY keeps you going and moving toward what you want? What are your deepest WHYs? If you are unclear on any of this, spend some time in reflection. And if you need support in finding this level of clarity, reach out and let's schedule a discovery session to see how I can help. |
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